Just over a week ago, a good friend of mine lost his mother.
You know how when a close loved one re-locates, that overwhelming feeling of loneliness because you won't be able to see them again for a long time, and no matter how properly you say your goodbyes that doesn't actually help you feel a whole lot better?
Grieving for a dead loved one is the much more brutal version of that. Someone you hold very dear to you is separated from you. at times suddenly without any warning, and due to circumstances and causes beyond your control.
Unlike when a loved one re-locates, you don't get the chance to say a proper goodbye. And there's no chance or hope at all that you'll get to see them again - unless you believe in an afterlife but even if you do, it's going to be a LONG wait before you get to see them. You won't get to see them again in this life. Even those who believe in an afterlife value this current life and the experiences they have. They'd want to be able to share those with their loved ones. For that to be suddenly taken away from them can be devastating.
Now for you as the friend of someone who's mourning or grieving, one of the worst things that could happen is if that grieving friend becomes so broken that they start harming themselves - suicide, doing crazy or stupid things that accidentally gets them killed or hurt, getting fired from their job, getting arrested. So as a friend, even if you've lost someone before and can relate to how they feel, the fact remains that you are not at the same time, experiencing the same pain as them. It's so important that you stay conscious of that fact in everything you do in your attempts to console your grieving friend.
The first thing to do is to reach out to them, and simply make them aware that you care.
- in person, card + flowers?
- private message - phone, social media, email.
- attend the funeral if you can.
- DONT say "you know how it feels" or "you know it must be hard" because you don't know.
Over the next coming weeks.
- make yourself available.
- invite them to hang out
- DON'T initiate a conversation about their loss. Instead let them talk about it when they want to. If they do, offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
- "I don't know what to say or do. Just know I care, and I'm here for you."
